an open letter to men trying to pick up women:

Dear men,
It appears as though you need help with picking up women because twice in one week I experienced 2 instances of men epically failing to pick up women, (one was myself and the other a friend at our most recent book group meeting) so I thought I'd share a few pointers.

1. Make sure the woman isn't already married. A simple way to figure this out is to look at her hands. Is she wearing a ring on her left hand ring finger? If yes then WALK AWAY NOW. If not, then she's fair game until she says she is not single.
2. When you say, "you look like you enjoy a good beer, what do you like?" and she responds with " Oh I don't really drink beer, but I do enjoy a good cider" don't follow up with, " so you like Bud?" and when she says, "eww, no. I do microbrews if any" don't name anything with Bud in the name. You don't know what you are talking about and just need to shut your trap.
3. When you say, "it looks like blue eyes run in your family"and she says, "oh yeah everyone in my family has them... The harder gene to keep going the blonde hair..." do NOT say, "usually chicks with blonde hair and blue eyes are bombshells" for you will hear crickets chirping or get slapped.
4. When you sit at a table with a book club and they are discussing books, don't say "f#$% books I hate them" you are not impressing anyone.
5. Also don't go on a tirade on about plastic hardware after you interrept a woman's story about home depot. We  could care less. We're out without the kids or husband let us drink and be merry.
6. And when you leave, don't walk away in a huff because you failed so miserably in your moment of trying to impress, because your attempt was just so awful.

Thanks for the laughs gentlemen! I hope you found these tips helpful and cleared up any confusing areas for you.

With that said, its sweet of you to flatter us with your attempts at flirting. Brownie points to you for trying. Unless you're a dumbass.