Thursday, September 12, 2013

Never thought I be so happy to look in my rear view

I have this friend. Had this friend. She's still alive, but I don't see her anymore. It was not my decision to have that be the case. I met her as she was my neighbor for a few years and we became friends quickly as our sons loved to play with each other. I considered her my best friend and felt like I could confide in her in about anything.

We had been close for quite some time, and she is a person attracts not the best men. One particular boyfriend of hers was verbally abusive. While he was staying with her she came down with the swine flu, and after she got somewhat better she realized she needed to leave this guy and called her ex husband to see if he could take care of their son while she was trying to get into a better situation. Long story short, her ex husband decided to not return her son back to her. She ended up moving to Texas to be near them. She had asked me to give her a ride to the airport in the morning and when I stopped by her place she wasn't there. There was no sign of her and I was really upset. I didn't get to say goodbye. I went home and cried int he driveway. She was in Texas for 2 years we kept in touch fairly frequently. Her ex was being an ass and canceling her visits with her son and brainwashing him into thinking the worst of her.

Eventually her ex made it so difficult for her to even talk with her son on the phone let alone have a visit, she left and came back north after 2 years of trying.

We reconnected and were hanging out again and all was well. Sort of. She still attracted weirdos, but whatever, She came onto hard times for a couple of different things, and I was severely worried about her. One thing that is consistent with is that when things get tough, she shuts down and becomes depressed. As a friend I am there for her and to help her.

Well, why am I talking so much about her? Well, she stopped talking to me and wasn't returning my calls or texts. Wait that sounded like I was non stop harassing this person. I wasn't. I was reaching out to her a couple times in a week. I was so worried that one day after work I knocked on her door, she answered and simply said that she didn't want company right now. That's fine. I asked her is she was okay. She said she was and then pretty much shooed me away and shut the door. That was a year ago this fall. Since then I have tried to reach out to her only a few times, one of those times was an email to wish her a happy birthday, and that was all.

I was confused, sad & angry and felt lost. I seemed to have lost my best friend for a reason that I did not know. It really bothered me and I just couldn't shake the feeling of being hurt for unknown reasons. If there was some sort of fight or disagreement atleast there would be an obvious reason.

Then came Thanksgiving. We decided to try and host Thanksgiving at our house for a change. To be at a location comfortable for our kids. A dinner where I could have some leftovers. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It is completely family centered. Thanksgiving for me is being able to spend time with the extended family enjoy a meal relax and have fun. As a kid I loved being able to spend time with my cousins, especially the years when my log distance cousins were there.

So we invited people over and not a single person wanted/could to come. Not. A. Single. One. "We're going to so & so's", "we're gonna eat at home", "I need to feed the hunters", "I don't have a ride", "I have to work". So that was disappointing, but I made the best of it. I made a full on turkey dinner. We ate at the table! Which if you know us, know that this doesn't happen as often as I like. So I made this big wonderful dinner for my family, and then they hardly ate. "I don't like turkey", "I'm not that hungry", "I don't want gravy", "yuck, pie!" (whose kids are these?!)

And after that I was just in a chronic shitty mood. I didn't want anything to do with Christmas and the New Year couldn't come fast enough.

I can't remember when I came out of it, some time around the transition into spring? I don't know


I'm posting this because the other morning, my friend was behind me at a red light near my son's school and it just made me happy to see her knowing that she is still around and appears to be doing well as I have been wondering how she has been doing.