Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Picture this: Sicily. 1965:

Only replace "Sicily" with "UMass" and replace "1965" with "2014".

Yesterday I was sitting outside talking on the phone at the nearby picnic tables to my work. while there, bees and other insects were nearby, but weren't bothering me so I was fine. after a bit I hung up the phone because I had to use the bathroom. 

Generally speaking when I use the bathroom at work, I use the handicap stall because it's spacious- where the non-handicap stalls are so tiny it's a balancing act just to shut the door and not fall in the toilet. They are so small that that if the handicap stall is occupied, I will go to a different floor to use the bathroom.

Anyway, so there I am using the toilet when I feel something on my neck, I touch it and immediately realize it's a bee, and begin to swat it away frantically. ACK! it's under the collar of my shirt! SHIT! it kind of feels like it's in my hair! I rip off my shirt and throw it on the floor and attempt to shake out my hair. The bee isn't on me anymore, but it did sting me on the neck. Well shit. I sit there for a minute looking around, "I don't see the bee.. not on the floor anywhere... That's when I notice it sitting in the crotch of my underwear.

I bolt up, and strip off my clothes and the damn thing stings me again! This time in my thigh. I stand there shaking with the adrenaline rush and breathing weird. Mother F'er. It hurts and am grateful I am not my mother in this situation, for she is allergic to bees.... Can you imagine the headline of that story? "Lady gets stung by bees while peeing on the toilet, found mostly naked and probably nearly dead" (sorry mom).

After a few seconds, I see the bee crawling out of my shorts strewn in a heap on the floor, and curse under my breath as I realize my sandals which also came off in the rapid strip of my clothes, were under my shorts. It's now or never, and I reach down grab a sandal and whack the bee, hard, about 3 times. 

I manage to finish what I was doing prior to the bee, and get dressed shakily as the adrenaline started to wear off. A few beats later, I am laughing at myself, because I start to think about "what if someone walked in while my clothes were flying off", and just had a visual of the whole scenario  in my head, and it was hilarious. So upon arrival back to my Lab, I tell my colleagues, and then my friend whom I had just been on the phone with, and then mention it on twitter with a friend. I am laughing at myself. 

Just remember that when you're having a crappy day YOU can say, "Welp, at least I don't' have a bee in my underwear." and mean it. *sigh*

Which made me think, why is it that all my funny stories involve the bathroom. At work.?

There was another time I went in to use the bathroom, and the older Korean woman from across the hall was in the tiny stall (I can tell by the shoes... trust me), so I happily went into the one I like to call "my office". This stall is larger than BOTH my bathrooms at home, not combined, but still LARGER THAN BOTH MY BATHROOMS AT MY HOUSE. It's a luxury to use really, and I get a small mount of satisfaction when I can see I'm the first to use the toilet that day. I know this because the seat is up when I walk in.

Anyway, so Dr. Dolan is in her stall, and she exits, and then MAKES A PHONE CALL and doesn't leave. Cripes. So there I am all done with my business, fully clothed standing there politely waiting to flush so that way the sounds of toilet flushing won't be heard by the person on the other end. I have no idea if this is a personal or business call (because she is speaking in Korean) but after a good while of fidgeting and standing there, I finally just flush and walk out to use the lone sink to wash my hands, and she's leaning on it. She looks and moves, but doesn't leave the bathroom. I leave her in there as I exit.

While I am in the potty talk mode, why the hell do they only put one sink, for 2-3 stalls in public restrooms here? So many times there are more than 1 person needing to use the sink at the same time. Some times, someone just needs the mirror, but it's always awkward.


  1. I'm tempted to write a story based from a strangers POV who walked in- had wild thoughts about what may be going on, then exits at the sandal slaps the floor, before you come out of the stall. {"... We knew the people in that department were crazy! Well sometimes I hate my clothes too- but I don't pitch a tizzy fit!..."}

    I really hate shared bathrooms, myself!

  2. Oh, no! :( Hope you are ok...makes me wonder what kind of bee, most of them can only sting once before they die! I hate public restrooms...the drama around making body noises and smells while that lady from the office down the hall is next to you, and you KNOW she is judging you....*shudder*

  3. I'm fine, I'm not allergic thankfully. It was probably a hornet. def not a honey bee or bumblebee. lol